Thursday, November 20, 2008

Kitty: Friday 21st November.

A party. A 21st maybe? A swimming pool with brick terraces stepping up behind it, which I may have swum in, although the swimmer might have been someone else. Whoever, they were wearing clothes. But not a whole outfit - odd pieces, as in I/they have removed my/their top layers only to discard my/their t-shirt but put my/their sweater back on, and they’ve/I’ve got socks and shoes on, and masses of jewellery. Perhaps pants, but only with one leg on.

Relationships shifting and merging and suddenly Joey and I were dating. He and Mike wore matching yellow polo shirts and silly hats and leave to play golf in the middle of the night. Identities change: Ben is played by Hugh and he and Joe and I stand in a close group and the boys discuss our past and present affairs, I am profoundly embarrassed. Yes, it was a mutual break-up, I lie, we’re better as friends. Then I realise I am playing Ben’s part.

Masses of people, peppered around the house and surrounds. Time shifts from mid-afternoon to the depths of night to late evening and back again. There is a feeling of uncertainty and a lack of balance. There is disjointedness. But also anticipation: clearly this is a culmination of an ongoing crush on Joey for my dream self.

I find this odd, I haven’t seen or spoken to Joe for at least a month, I wonder how he filtered into my subconscious.

No comments: